Full Podcast Transcript:

The Instinct of Wild Horses

Shane Jacob
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this episode of The Horsemanship Journey Podcast. My name's Shane Jacob, your host, and I thank you for taking your time to be here with me today. So, well, here we go. I wanna talk a little bit about wild horses. Know, wild horses and domesticated horses both have an instinct or connection to be together.

Of course, in the wild, horses live in small herds or groups, typically have usually at least one stud or male horse. Sometimes two, several mares, and then their offspring of varying ages. They live in a herd just more than companionship because horses are prey animals and their safety is within the group and within inside the leadership of the group, but the safety is in the group.

So, horses just feel more secure with other horses around. They also get to share like the responsibilities of, you know, keeping watch, finding food and water, even sometimes shelter when necessary.

The Role of Mares in Raising Colts

And then of course, young horses are so interesting because they learn so much from usually from their mothers, from their mares, mares and mothers. Being one in the same, but it's interesting to watch mares.

I'll talk about another podcast about this, but about mares teach their colts and discipline them. And then those babies take on the traits of the mother, usually so much more than the stud horse. I had a stud horse for a long time and I would see so much of the mares in the colts that I would breed. And I believe that that's why as I watch, because the, in the horse world, they have a kind of a deadbeat dad.

He does what he needs to do to create the baby with the breeds of the mare. And then when the baby comes, it's the mother's sole responsibility until the horse is weaned. And in that period of time, that horse learned so much.

And takes on so much similarities and learning and just operates the same way as the mare. It's really interesting to watch. Anyway, back to the herd. In the herd, the young horses are learning. They're not weaned like, you know, in intervals of, you know, four to six months usually for domestic horses. But they're, they sometimes they can stay in the herd for years, right? And so they learn from each other also.

The Importance of Human Connection

So humans are like horses in that we thrive with connection, right? We know that. Without interaction with other human beings, we go into distress, right? And we know this. We know that we need connection. Like Brene Brown said, that human beings are hardwired for connection.

So studies have actually shown, let me see if I can find it here, studies have shown that human interaction is critical for brain development and emotional health. Social connections trigger the release of vital chemicals in the body that improve both mental and physical well-being.

And then this from the CDC, the CDC emphasizes the importance of relationships for survival and they state that stable and supportive relationships give us the support we need to cope with stressful life challenges. People with healthy relationships are more likely to make healthy choices that lead to better mental and physical health.

Okay? So for help alone, mental and physical help, we need each other. Okay? It's just the way it goes. So many studies with babies and young, small, newborns and toddlers and young kids of how they advance in their overall health with or without people around. Makes a tremendous difference. Just, need, we have that need. It's part of the human, it's part of the human experience, I guess I'll call it.

Isolation and Its Impact on Teens

So, then the question is, so we, with people and especially teens, a lot of time we talk about isolation, right? Why do we want to be by ourselves? I hear a lot of times I hear in conversation, you know, I'm just, I'm tired of people. I'm going to move out to the country and buy me, you know, 40 acres and put a house right in the middle of it. So I don't have to deal with people. And I can say that I've had thoughts like that, similar at times, but I don't think necessarily that's always a good long-term plan.

So a lot of times we might just need, you know, a break for a minute and that's okay. Okay. I'm not talking today. When I talk about isolation, I'm not talking about needing a break or having some solitude or, you know, being by yourself or having the ability to be by yourself for short amounts of time. You know, like what's the right amount of time? I mean, that's going to vary.

And if you're a parent, you're going to have a pretty good idea of what's too much, what's too long of a period of time to be isolating for your kids to be. Right. You're going to know their personality, how outgoing or introverted they normally are. And you can kind of watch and see for major changes. And if they're, you know, secluding themselves for longer and longer periods of time, then it's time to, you know, just take some action.

So question is, why do human beings, especially teens, why do we seclude ourselves and isolate ourselves from what's going on? And the answer is, a lot of reasons. You know, we have a fear a lot of times, you know, I'm talking about teens, but really this goes for everybody. And that is we have a fear of rejection. We might be being bullied. And so we have a fear of that

We're just having anxiety. We don't know how to handle the feelings or what to do with them. So we just, you know, go away from everybody and try to quiet our minds. Depression, hopelessness, sad, just being sad. A lot of times we feel like alone. It's so interesting with all of the media that we have available and with all of, even being inside of family.

Feeling Alone Even in a Crowd

We can still feel so alone with people so close to us. Just feelings of inadequacy, just feeling inadequate, like we don't measure up, like we don't know how to develop our confidence or how to know we are or how to develop to even think that it's possible to decide who we are. Other things can also lead to isolation and that is moving new schools like a lot of times kids going into a new school.

A big one is family disruption, right? What's going on inside the family dynamic? A lot of times those kids just want to check out. If there's a divorce or a separation, a lot of fighting inside the leaders of the family, then you can kind of count on some increased isolation from the kids.

The Link Between Substance Abuse and Isolation

Substance abuse, that's an interesting one. Substance abuse leads to isolation and isolation can lead to substance abuse. So that goes both ways. why really is it so important besides of health? I can tell you that from my own experience, I can tell you as a matter of fact that people need people.

The Impact of Prolonged Isolation

Someone that I was very near and dear to in my life for a long period of time, isolated herself for a long period of time, a long period of time. And, you know, kind of really nobody knew what to do. so eventually people would make little effort to try to reach out and connect. And when those efforts were not taken or not responded to or whatever, then a lot of us didn't do, you know, we quit trying.

We just didn't know what to do. So basically we did nothing, you know, I knew that there was an amount of depression going on and just not being willing to deal with really anything or anybody.

And so this isolation for this extended period of time, and I mean, it was over a year and this is an adult and eventually, this combined with the depression and, and I honestly think a lack of connection. I don't know this as a matter of fact, but I believe that I really just believe human beings need each other and it led to her taking her own life.

The Importance of Connection

So this is a real deal. And so when I talk to you about this, I'm coming from a place of, I guess I'm just pleading with you to, you know, pay attention, don't overlook it, don't think it's not important because we really need each other. And if you're the leader in your home, I encourage you to, you know, just take a look for a minute and just really realize how important of a job that is. And sometimes it doesn't take a whole hell of a lot of effort. It just takes a little bit of intentional effort consistently over a period of time. you know, isolation is more than just feeling alone. It can seriously harm both the physical and mental health like we've talked about.

Physical health, there's all kinds of studies, and isolating yourself can lead to physical problems such as headaches, fatigue, sleep problems, all the sleep disorders, muscle and joint pain, stomach problems and all the digestive stuff that goes with it.

And like we've talked about mental health, these go both ways, like depression and anxiety and substance abuse. They lead to isolation and then isolation can lead to those if that. So they, they're, they go both ways, basically irritability. And then of course, with your mental health, it can lead to suicidal thoughts and potentially, people taking their own lives.

So the question is, how do we help ourselves or teens or human beings that we know that are lonely and they're isolatingg themselves? And I believe it's our responsibility to guide the people that we know through the tough feelings of loneliness and isolation because it's not easy. I've felt alone.

The Fog of War: A Veteran’s Perspective

I can tell you that I myself have felt so alone and I wasn't alone, but I just felt so alone. Maybe I just didn't feel like, I don't know what I felt like, but I can tell you I felt alone and I really wasn't alone. And it was difficult and these are hard feelings and we're talking about teenagers. They don't have experience and as much experience in this as we do as adults. And so it can take a bigger toll and seemed bigger and seem more serious.

I always think of, interviewed a guy, he'll come to me, but he was a veteran and he talks about the fog of war. And it's on this podcast. I don't remember the episode off top of my head or his name, but that's okay. Cause the point was he talked about the fog of war and what he meant was is that when we're in the middle of a lot of feeling or we're in the middle of something that seems just seems big, you know, when we're in the middle of the conflict or the hard feelings, when we're right in the middle of it, we really can't see past it. We're just so focused on what we can see.

And he compares that to the fog of war, like the bombs and the smoke are going off. And that's all you can see is the immediate right in front of you. You're not in the chopper. You know, we're back at mission command looking at a satellite view where you can, you know, make better decisions, big, better long-term decisions because the only thing that you can see is right there in front of you.

And sometimes the immediate seems like the permanent. And I think a lot of cases in suicide, especially, that's what I think that a lot of times we can let our mind think that the immediate is the permanent one. Really, it doesn't have to be the permanent. The immediate is just can be the immediate. If we can back out of that fog of war, lift ourself above it, take a step back or breathe and try to get a different, more of a broader perspective of what's going on.

Practical Steps to Help with Isolation

So here's some, basically here's just some practical steps that can help. And the first thing that I'm going to say is number one is if you believe, if you wonder if you need medical help, get professional medical help. Okay. If you're the point to say, I wonder if this is a good idea, I would err on the side of caution and go ahead and do it.

Okay, because of the consequences can be permanent. So if you're unsure, I'd say go for it, okay? Get medical help if you're wondering. Reach out to a counselor, a therapist for guidance, for anything you can do from a professional, any kind of professional medical help. Second of all, I'm gonna come back to and say, you as a parent or if you're close to somebody,

I think you're going to have a pretty good idea of how long is too long, right? It's just like a healthy be by yourself for a little while, or is this something that's turning into a habit, right? Of just of reducing the amount of contact that you're having with human beings. Okay. That's what you're looking for. Second is this is a big one. This is an easy one, but it's not, it's a simple one, but it's not easy. And that is, is to be the connection, be the connection that they're looking for.

You know, just in all that really requires it simple, but all it really, really requires is taking the time. Okay. Just take the time to listen without judgment.

Okay. Now, you don't have to tell them what to do or grab them. You know, my first inclination is just to grab somebody and try to force them to go to, know, to go into public and do something they don't want to do. And it's not a good idea. Right. But that's what I would do if I don't think it through, that's what I want to be like, come on, let's go, let's go do this and that and the other. And they don't want to go.

And then maybe they're not ready for that right now. The beginning to this is to, in order to make this the important connection that they need to have them feel heard and listen to and to come back, basically to come back from isolation into the world and to connect with human beings, just take the time to listen without judgment and just try to refrain from making judgment. Just give them space to be there, okay?

Validate their feelings, just have it be okay. Let them know that it's okay, let them know it's normal to the extent that you can. Normalize it and validate it. Let them know that what they're feeling, based on what's going on and the way that they're thinking, then the way that they're feeling is, it makes sense and it's okay and it's okay to feel the way that you're feeling. Three is, the next thing is gonna be just to encourage activities.

Avoid Forcing Connection

Okay. Now, you don't have to tell them what to do or grab them. You know, my first inclination is just to grab somebody and try to force them to go to, know, to go into public and do something they don't want to do. And it's not a good idea. Right. But that's what I would.

If I don't think it through, that's what I want to be like, come on, let's go, let's go do this and that and the other. And they don't want to go. And then maybe they're not ready for that right now. to.

Validate Their Feelings

The beginning to this is to, in order to make this the important connection that they need to have them feel heard and listen to and to come back, basically to come back from isolation into the world and to connect with human beings, just take the time to listen without judgment and just try to refrain from making judgment. Just give them space to be there, okay? Validate their feelings, just have it be okay.

Let them know that it's okay, let them know it's normal to the extent that you can. Normalize it and validate it. Let them know that what they're feeling, based on what's going on and the way that they're thinking, then the way that they're feeling is, it makes sense and it's okay and it's okay to feel the way that you're feeling.

Encourage Activities Without Pressure

Three is, the next thing is gonna be just to encourage activities, okay? Don't grab them by the ear and force them. Probably not a good idea, like I said, but just to encourage activities. If you can spend time with them, just doing anything, you know?

Media and engaging in media can be really connecting, yet at the same time, if teens or adults or anybody is looking at media and all that we can seeis the perfection in everybody else and that we suck and we're not as good asthem, then media can be, make us feel inadequate and want to isolate more. being together with,

I mean, hobbies, just spending time, maybe go to a movie, play catch, just like family activities, like you and your son or daughter just going to spend time one-on-one doing something, okay? Of course, you know, all activities are good, sports, all the school activities and community getting involved in, by the way, community volunteering is a big deal.

Volunteering as a Path to Connection

You know, when you reach out, Sheryl Green talks about this in a podcast, they're in The Horsemanship Journey Show. She was in a funk and she was down and she was depressed and she hadn't been out of her bedroom because her husband was involved in some stuff and they were getting a divorce and she couldn't handle it very well. And she was depressed and it was a long time and she didn't want to go.

And finally, one day, think I'm right on this, was her stepmom kind of picked her up off the bathroom floor, which she'd been for hours, right? Cause she'd go from the bedroom to the bathroom floor and that's about it for months. And finally, picked her up off the floor and got her and helped her get involved in a dog rescue. Okay.

And that act and that group and that something that she enjoyed doing helped her, you know, get through this thing. And so there's so many stories like that, but volunteering to help other people. can be a big thing and there's so many causes and so many things that you can do because human beings, need help. There's so many places.

Support Groups Can Provide Comfort

You don't have to look very far to be able to go out and help somebody or a group because there's plenty of groups out there and they need help. They'll welcome it. Of course, then there's support groups. Teams often feel comforted if in a group setting, right? Just knowing that other people are going through the same stuff. And so if it's a good group, groups of people that are going through similar stuff can be helpful.

Of course, we do stuff like this every day at Stable Living. And so our Stable Living coaching is another resource that you can use. We have the free resources. We have You Are Destined for Greatness, and others, but anyway, of course you can find us, Stable Living Coaching at Thehorsemanshipjourney.com.

Human Connection is Essential

But let me just tell you this, the bottom line, It's not just nice to have, it's essential. Okay. It's essential to have communications, communication, or excuse me, connection. It's essential to have connection, to feel connected, you know, to feel close and to feel understood and validated. Just really need each other. Prolonged isolation, like you said, can be so dangerous, but empathy, patience, and really unconditional love. Okay

Unconditional Love is the Key

That's what's going to guide your teens and the people that you love out of their struggle. It's just being willing to spend the time with them and loving them unconditionally. So just like horses thrive in a herd, teens need connection to feel safe and strong, just like horses feel safe and strong in the group.

Same with your teens and the people you love. So whether it's encouraging, activities, listening without judgment or just seeking professional support, whatever you do, there's plenty of ways to help, to help people find their footing and reconnect.

So taking action can, is what's going to be, what is going to strengthen those relationship bonds that they have and that you have with somebody who's struggling and it's what's going to set people up for a brighter. Definitely help your future.

So thank you so much for taking your time to be with me today. And remember, you cannot fail as long as you Don't Ever Stop Chasing It.