Transcript for this weeks message

Shane Jacob

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this episode of The Horsemanship Journey Podcast. My name is Shane Jacob, your host. We appreciate you taking your time to join us here today. Remember to check out our new program, Stable Living, our online coaching program that uses principles that we see in horses to help teens thrive through the transition to adulthood and continue to thrive as adults. We also offer a companion program for adults.

Today we have a special guest. I'm excited to present Brian Fleming. Brian is a combat wounded war veteran who was injured by a suicide bomber in Afghanistan. He has spoken to over a half a million people in live audiences around the world, including the U.S. military, several Fortune 500companies and has written four books. He's been featured on almost every major network news in America on the topic of resilience and how to stand firm when everything around you is blowing up. Brian, thanks so much for taking your time to be with us today.

Brian Fleming

Hey, thanks for having me on.

Shane Jacob

Right on. Well that was pretty quick. I mean a pretty big summary, pretty short I guess I'll call it. If people are still out there that don't know you and don't know your story, I was hoping you could just begin with telling us where did you begin and how did it go to get to be where you are?

Brian Fleming

Yeah, I joined the United States Army straight out of high school in 2003, and I joined as an infantry soldier. Eventually I got deployed with the 10th Mountain Division to Afghanistan in 2006, and I was a team leader in an infantry platoon and a couple of my vehicles got blown up while I was there. The first one ran over a bomb buried in the road on April 18th of 2006,but then, and I actually was not injured in that one, though I did sustain some TBI symptoms, traumatic brain injury symptoms, that I would later learn about that I wasn't aware of at the time.

And then a couple of months later, on July 24th of 2006, a suicide bomber right there in Kandahar, about two miles away from Kandahar airfield, which was our destination. He pulled it right up next to my door in his minivan and slammed into my door and exploded. Blew himself in his van, blew up into about 10 million pieces. And I woke up laying in a ditch on the side of the road, on the side of highway one in Kandahar. I was burned second degree on my face and neck, which is now healed. Third degree burns on both my hands. I had blood pouring out of my face when I woke up, and I did sort of a push-up and got to my feet, trying to figure out what was going on.

My first thought was when I woke up there was why would I go to sleep here? Because I didn't remember laying down there. I didn't remember anything until I woke up after the explosion. And so I thought, well, maybe we're in a gunfight, but nobody was shooting. Then I couldn't find my weapon, it was still in the vehicle. I was not. And so, I just started kind of walking around. I saw my medic helping out my gunner who was also injured. And about 30 minutes later, a medevac helicopter came in and picked us up. And I spent the next 14 months at Brook Army Medical Center in San Antonio, Texas.

Shane Jacob

Ryan, I've seen some pictures of you. You looked pretty rough. I mean, did you, I mean, what were your thoughts at the time? I mean, did you know the extent of your injuries? Did you have any thoughts about how things were going to go down in the future and what were things going to belike? Maybe tell us a little bit more about when you got there and how that 14months went.

Brian Fleming

Yeah, everybody said I was good, but nobody would give me a mirror. So that was concerning. I thought, well, okay. When I did get to the medical center, I did actually realize how many other guys like me were actually so much worse off than me. I mean, I was 12 to 15% total burn on my body, but I have friends who were over 80-90% plus 3rd degree burns. I mean, just insane.

The night I got there, they took me into the shower room and the head nurse looked at me and said, “Hey, we need to clean you up.” He said, “Well, we're going to do this as quickly as possible, so it'll be as painless as possible.” And I had no idea what he meant by that. And it was at that point him and two or three other nurses all took out razor blades and they had to start shaving and tearing and ripping that dirty burned skin off my hands, face and neck. Kind like a burnt piece of chicken, if you imagine it that way. And, that was the worst experience of my life. That was the worst part of the whole thing was having to lay there awake, basically being skinned alive in order to save my life because I would have died of infection if they didn't get all that off.

And people think, well, they probably put you to sleep for that. No, typically they don't because they often have to do it multiple times, and they're afraid you'll slip into a coma. And so, it was fast and furious for about a half hour. And, worst pain I've ever been through in my life, and nothing compares to that. I'm glad nobody told me about it. I'm glad they just sprung it on me and did it.

But yeah, I can't really imagine what a lot of my other friends went through who were even more severely burned than I was. Just the amount of pain is just insane. And so, I didn't really know what to expect. I knew, I knew while I'm alive, so, you know, it hurts, but I'm getting, I'll get better, and I'll move on in life. That was pretty much, you know, I mean, the doctors had asked, “How did it, how did it feel? You know, you got blown up. How'd that make you feel?” I'm like, “It hurt like hell. What do you think?” But then I was just like, “All right, what's, what's for lunch?” You know, it's, I never really pushed a bunch of things down, but at the same time, I just, I, that's just how I respond to things. It's just kind of like, yeah, that's, that's what it was. And it's, I've never really been bothered talking about it.

Shane Jacob

14 months is quite a while to be there, quite a lot of healing. How did it go in the end? How did you wind up? What was next for you as you finished up there and moved on?

Brian Fleming

Well, I ended up meeting at the medical center, a Vietnam veteran, guy named Dave Reaver, who became my mentor and one of my bestfriends. And he had been horribly injured in Vietnam. And he came and talked tome and, you know, probably 30 other guys who've been blown up, shot up, and we were there recovering. And I realized he couldn't talk about pain without making us laugh hysterically. And that was really unique. And I talked to him afterwards. We hit it off. We became friends. We've been friends for gosh, probably almost 20 years now. And, he basically offered and said, “Hey Brian, if, if you're interested, I'll show you how to do something with all this.” Because at the time I met him, he had been a very successful professional speaker. He'd written multiple books, very, very, very successful in business, married to the same woman for over 50 years. They married right before he went to Vietnam.

And so, I saw him and I thought, you know, if I could do, you know, what, maybe 10% of what this guy's done with his life, I'd be doing pretty good. And this guy started where I am right now, and that made a big difference for me. And I ended up working for his company a little bit, getting out of the military. And he mentored me in speaking and how to share my story and make a difference in the world with it, and how to be financially productive with it. Because you can have a dream all you want. You can have a big heart to go help people. But you know, end of the day in our world, money's the grease on the machine. And it's what makes the machine run. And if you don't have that, you don't have, you can't do much.

And so I was, I was very fortunate to run into him, it about nine months before nine or 10 months before I got out of the military.

Shane Jacob

Right on. That's awesome. That's a blessing. Brian, I've heard you talk in some of the places that you've talked. I've listened to you, and one of the things that I've heard you talk a little bit about is that just knowing, hey, bad things are going to happen. And so, rather than thinking they're not or… I guess the question I have is, what are your thoughts on the value of knowing that bad things are going to happen and planning for it? Or do you feel like that can attract bad things to happen for you? Or just talk a little bit about that if you would.

Brian Fleming

Yeah, I mean, I'm very much of the mentality, “Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.” Based on my life experience, it's the smart way to go. Though you can't, you also can't live in fear of bad things happening. But I think it's ignorant to not expect, you know, hiccups and obstacles to come our way. We have a saying in the military that even the best plan goes out the window when the bullets start flying, and it's the truth. It does. You can have the best plan. You're going to do this. You're going to go there. And I hope it goes great for anybody who has a plan, but it's kind of like Mike Tyson said also, said, you know, “Everyone's got a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” And, it's true.

Life is going to do that to you, things aren't going to go according to plan. You're going to have to adapt a lot. You're going to have to change your plan, and life is a battlefield. And once you understand how a battlefield works, you'll understand how to make your life work and how to adapt to things.

Shane Jacob

Talk to us about this passion versus conviction. What's the difference? What do mean by that?

Brian Fleming

Well, you know, I've, I heard one of my mentors, you know, Larry Wing, he said, you know, “Passion is basically defined as an uncontrollable emotion.” And so, you want to be careful with that. You know, the uncontrollable emotion can cause a human being to do some pretty insane things. But, you know, conviction is, to me, it's sort of, it's deeper than that. It's almost like passion, but it's harnessed because a conviction to me is when you have something come out of you that basically, you know, you like, I have to do this with my life. I'm not exploring this option for some reasons. You feel so strongly about something, I need to do something. I can't be quiet.

And I first discovered that when I, the first time I, Dave ever put me on a stage. And I spoke for two minutes, I was still blown up looking, and I got up and spoke for two minutes. “Hey, I got blown up. Guess I'm still here for a reason. Have a nice day.” That's probably the worst motivational speech in the world. But when I got off stage, this lady came up to me and she said, “Hey, I was raped and molested grown up and in my teenage years as well. And then my boyfriend was abusive, and we broke up recently. And two weeks ago, I tried to kill myself.” And she just put that on me, and walked up to me after I got off stage. And I didn't know what to tell her.

But then she said this though, and this is a perfect example of what you're asking. She said, “You know, Brian, but if you can survive all that,” Afghanistan, my injury. She said, “I think I can get through this.” That's when conviction came out of me. When I told Dave that night, “Hey, this public speaking thing, I have to do this. Please show me. I'm going to do it or die trying. Will you help me?” And something came out of me I didn't know was in me, and I knew I had to find more people like her. Because I knew with her, that lady's not going to go home and drink a bottle of pills or stick a gun in her mouth and pull the trigger tonight.

I didn't know that was in me, but that's I think a good example, at least for me of what is conviction. When I met her, I got strong conviction that this is the direction I'm going. Not some sort of, I'm going to explore public speaking as a part of my career path. It was like, no, this is why I'm here. And that's, that was conviction. That wasn't just passion though, that was definitely conviction.

Shane Jacob

That is conviction. is an incredible story. Thanks for sharing that with us. Brian, would you, I don't know, just maybe kind of layout what happens to us in our lives, you know, when we have blowups. You know, we all, not very many people suffer the kind of blowup we're talking about with you, but the rest of us have, you know, things and… I guess the question really is how to best make it through. What do you tell people?

Brian Fleming

Yeah. Well, the biggest thing is to realize we all get blown up in different ways. And just because we get blown up differently doesn't mean we can't relate to each other. A lot of people think, they say, “Well, gosh, Brian, you know, you got blown up by a suicide bomber. You know, that's not something most people can relate to.” I have one friend who survived that also in Iraq, and he was about three hours south of me. And he's the only guy I know he can truly relate to go, man, I know what it's like to get hit by a suicide bomber.

But other people, they get divorced, they get abused, they lose loved ones, they get a cancer diagnosis. I mean, you name it, but life blows everybody up. But we don't relate just on how we get hurt. As human beings, pain is a universal language. We all deal with the same finite number of issues, as human beings, as a result of how we get hurt. So, we can get hurt differently. We can face different challenges. But at the end of the day, we still doubt ourselves. We still question ourselves. We still, some people have self-esteem issues, or confidence issues, or this thought that they're alone and that their stuff is never going to get better, or will this ever get better, or will the pain ever stop? I mean, we all deal with these things as a result of dealing with different things.

So, the symptoms, the outcomes of the things we go through are the same. And so, I mean, one of the first things to realize is that your life is a battlefield. And when you're going through something, a lot of times you can feel lost. And that's because you're in what I call the fog of war. You're around this thing so much, you're so familiar with it, that it's all you see. And you're in survival mode, which is why it's good to have other people around who can guide you, whether they understand your pain or not. Because other people are like a pilot flying over a battlefield. They can see things on your battlefield that you cannot because you can see only five or 10 feet in front of you, so to speak. Because you're so narrowly focused on surviving, getting out, you overlook things that can hurt you or help you that are right near you.

Shane Jacob

That is an incredible analogy right there, and so helpful. We have the fog, but also with that, what we can't see from up above is a lot of times what we see as the permanent. It's just not permanent, it's just the immediate what's happening. And a lot of times we have a hard time realizing that. I mean, this fog thing, that's a great analogy.

Brian Fleming

Well, you know, for people who don't want to ask for help, you know, people like me who are basically taught, you know, accomplish the mission though you may be the lone survivor. It's weird because we're also taught to have a battle buddy. We're also taught to take care of each other. But, you know, when you get out of the military, or if you've never been in, still if you go through something, a lot of people don't want to ask for help because it's seen as weak, and it could cost you a career or people doubt your abilities, especially as a man, very much so.

But it's weird because getting out of the military, when I look at that, and I don't look at asking for help is a weak thing. I look at it as calling in air support. Because in Afghanistan, we called in air support. We called in warplanes to drop bombs and do gun runs against our enemies. It would be really stupid not to use that close air support if they're available. And that would increase our risk of dying, or somewhat either me or some of the guys I'm with. No leader in his or her right mind would not call in air support if it's available and necessary. You know, saying something like, “Well, we don't want the commander to think we can't handle ourselves on the battlefield. So, we're just not going to call in air support.” That would be stupid. Yet guys like me get out of the military, or if you've never been in, you know, a lot of people do this too, they just completely forget that it's smart to call on air support, especially when it's, you know, when it's available. It makes it easier. It can, you can sustain less damage to your life or the complete loss of it.

But we have this perception of what we're going through and how to handle it. And that has a lot to do with, you know, what, how we get out or if we do get out of things. It's our perception of the situation. Because you also have to remember that a battlefield is constantly developing. Sometimes it's time to return fire and to shoot back. Other times it's like, all right, let's just wait, wait a minute, see what's going on here. It's called letting the battlefield develop and just giving, just pausing a minute. And okay, this is what's happening now. Things are changing. They're going over here. They're going over here. All right, we're going to do this strategy now instead of that strategy. And if you're just so hardnosed focused on only doing something one way, you might not realize the battlefield around you changing. And then you get surrounded, and you're out of luck.

And so, life is very much the same way. Sometimes you just have to sit in it and watch it for a time, and then adapt to it as it changes. Because we can't control the battlefield all the time. It's a constant back and forth, and it's changing. And in life, know what you might end up, you know, moving to another location or meeting a new person. And suddenly that shifts your battlefield a little bit, or you get, you know, some sort of help or an opportunity that you didn't foresee, and that shifts it in your favor. Then other things shifted out of your favor, and then other things happen that shifts it in your favor. It's a constant moving, living, breathing thing.

Shane Jacob

Right on. Yeah, the battlefield is definitely constantly changing. Brian, besides calling in for support and taking time to observe and pay attention to our battlefields, what are, you have other ideas on just like how to find the courage and strength to move, to move through it?

Brian Fleming

Yeah, I mean, one of the big things is if, I mean, for me, I've been through a lot of pain in my life. And I can put up with quite a bit, but I don't like pain, it hurts. So, I don't typically sit still. If I'm in a place of pain, I don't normally get comfortable with it. But one thing that I really discovered through speaking, for example, was that focusing on trying to help someone else who's struggling with something is what’s huge for me. Because even though it didn't really fix my own situation, it allowed me to kind of forget about it for a while because I was trying to help someone else and that felt good. It felt good to help. And it also felt good not to keep thinking about my thing.

And again, I'm not saying avoid, I was avoiding my thing, I never did. But when I was focused on helping someone else, it's weird how there's a reciprocal effect that happens in life. Reciprocal being a mathematical term, it comes back. What you put out kind of comes back, and you don't always control how that does or in what way. But when you're focused on helping other people, it's amazing how unexpectedly help often shows up in ways you didn't plan for the thing you're going through. So, helping other people also gives a great sense of meaning to your suffering sometimes. I mean, you look at it go, “Wow, if I wasn't suffering, I wouldn't be in this place meeting this person who I was able to help.” And even, again, it doesn't take away the pain, but it does give you thoughts of meaning in the suffering as they're going through it.

Shane Jacob

Wow, that's good. Any other things that people that handle trauma and that handle their blowups well, that make it through well, have in common?

Brian Fleming

Yeah, there are three things that I realized I had present in my life while I was at that hospital recovering, but I didn't know it. And it was, it was those three things that I realized were huge factors in the fact that I was able to move forward productively as quickly as I did. I also realized that a lot of my friends who had been injured, as well as historically people who have been through horrible situations and bounce back and move forward, they all had these things kind of in their lives in some way.

And it was, I had a sense of meaning. I kind of touched on that. I had a sense of meaning in my suffering because you know, six, seven months after being injured, I met that young lady after speaking on stage. And you know, when you have a, you know, Victor Frankel says, you know, “In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment. It finds a meaning.” Now this is coming from a guy who is a Holocaust survivor and a psychiatrist, a brilliant man. And he said, you know, “When some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment. It finds a meaning.” That's why I advocate so much for just, go try to help somebody else and figure stuff out along the way. Because your suffering won't necessarily go away in that instant, but it makes it more manageable, and you get a better perspective on things.

The second thing that helped me out was the fact I had a mentor. Dave came into my life when he did. And he showed me how to do something with my story that was productive and helpful for people, but also sort of, sort of mentored me in life. He helped me kind of answer these questions that, you know, lot of these questions I came home from war with that to being injured, and he had asked a lot of the same questions. So I had, in a way you could say, like in the military chain of command, you have someone above you, someone besides you and someone below you. You have the one you follow, who leads you, the person you're learning from. Then you have the people beside you who are equal rank. Then you have the people below you who you are tasked with teaching and leading and guiding them and bringing them up to your position. And so, I had that in my life during this time that I was recovering. I had a sort of personal chain of command.

And then the third thing was that I discovered my next mission. I found my next mission. It didn't take long. A lot of men and women getting out of military, they don't find their next mission before they get out. And then it's even harder once you're out. So, it was because of the fact it was so meaningful, sharing my story because I met that young lady that in that story, that became my next mission.

And I mean, it's weird because that was one of the worst things to ever happen to me, that injury. But my life has been, and I'm not shy to say it, absolutely amazing. I've, I don't think I would have had this good a life if I wouldn't have went through all that. And that might sound cliche, but it's the truth. I've never had a better life since almost losing it. I've, I've had opportunities. I've been able to have a life, make life for my family that I don't think I would have been able to do on the level I get to do it. And it all came from this horrible thing that happened to happen.

And you know, people say, it's the suicide bomber's fault you got hurt. And I say, yeah, 50%. Because I was still that 18-year-old kid who joined army infantry during a time of war. So, I knew exactly what I was doing. I take full 50% responsibility for putting myself in a place where what happened was possible. And so, I have no problem with that.

But you know, what I do with it in spite of what happened is also my responsibility. I could sit around for the next 50 years, you know, with my little veteran ball cap on and talking about how bad it was and how, you know, I just went nowhere, drinking my life away in a VFW hall. And no offense to them, but I was 23 years old when I got out of the military. My life was just starting. You know, I don't know. I mean, I would be more miserable sitting around doing nothing than doing that.

And so, you know, one of the keys, I think, is just to keep moving forward. Wherever you're going through, even if it's just one step, like today, even if it's just one step today, cause the steps add up.

Shane Jacob

Right on. Right on. We really appreciate your story and those advice on these principles. I think that's super solid, really powerful. Winding down, I guess, what would you like to leave us with today? Brian, what would you like to leave us with today? Last thoughts for The Horsemanship Journey?

Brian Fleming

Nothing lasts forever. No pain tends to last forever. I know that's kind of a broad statement, and that could be picked apart. But my point is, whatever you're going through, they likely has some sort of temporary nature to it. And things do often get better in a lot of ways that we can't see. And if you're in that position, it's because you're in the fog of war that we talked about. Keep going. I mean, it does, it's like Winston Churchill said, you know, “If you're going through hell, keep going.” There's no sense in sitting in the fire and just burning. Let's get out of this thing. Let's do the best we can to adapt and try to get out of it, and that starts with you.

Shane Jacob

Right on. Brian, thank you so much. Hey, tell us about, where can people find you, you're speaking, to find out more about you and also you have a program for speakers? Tell us what you got going on and how we can find you.

Brian Fleming

Yeah. If you want to book me to speak or see, check my availability, just go to blownupguy.com. It's really easy to remember because I got blown up and I'm a guy. So blownupguy.com is my speaking website, even though I don't look blown up anymore.

And then, the second thing is, I created useyourstory.com because over the years I've been speaking, I've always had people walk up to me and say, “Brian, I want to share my story like you do, but how do I start?” Because nobody teaches you this stuff. You don't learn this in college, not in a speech class, how to actually become a professional speaker, how to share your story, make a difference in people's lives, and also be able to be financially productive and make money with it. So, I finally started a program.

And, if you go to use your, useyourstory.com, I have a free resource on there called the Share Your Story Roadmap. And it's a one-page PDF and about a 14-minute video, very short, and it shows you literally how to go out and share your story and make your first $500 speaking, even if you've never spoken before. It's exactly where I would start if I was starting over, and I knew nothing. That's the place I created it from because that's where most people are when they wanna share their story. So go grab that free Share Your Story Roadmap at useyourstory.com.

Shane Jacob

Right on. Brian, thank you again so much for taking time to be with us today. We appreciate your thoughts and your story here today, and the good advice. We appreciate your service to our country, and we wish you continued success. Ladies and gentlemen, Brian Fleming.

Brian Fleming

Thanks Shane.

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