Transcript for this weeks message

Shane

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to this episode of The Horsemanship Journey Podcast. I'm Shane Jacob, your host. Today, we're joined with Derek Johnson. Derek is a US Army veteran, a life coach, and trainer that's helped hundreds of clients and companies go from surviving to thriving through his coaching. Derek was awarded Soldier of the Year for his battalion three times. He's received numerous awards and took his leadership skills, certifications, and life experiences to help people take control of their mind and body, so that they can thrive and not just survive. Sounds good to me. Derek, thank you so much for taking your time to be with us today.

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Derick

Thank you for having me, Shane. It's a pleasure being here.

Shane  

Right on.  Well, for people that haven't, don't know you, tell us about your story, where it started, your upbringing, and how you got to be where you are.

Derick

For sure. So yeah, as a child, I grew up in Germany. My mother's German. My father is African-American. So my father was a farmer out in Mississippi.  His side of the family,they have a ton of land, and hard work ethic and discipline was in the bloodline. And my mother's from Germany. She grew up in the city. And so both parents, they were the oldest of multiple siblings, and they've been working since around the age of 13 or 14. So they've always been making money; they've always been working hard and providing for their brothers, sisters, and family. But because of their upbringing, they did see a lot of violence, drug addictions, and alcohol run on both sides of the family. And so with them being the oldest of multiple siblings, they had to grow up and mature really quickly. And so they went right into the work field. My dad was U.S. Army for 25 years, and my mother was a kindergarten teacher for Montessori school. And so most of their career, they were always the first ones there, the last ones to leave.  But, they were so mission driven with their careers that they did not really have time to truly work on themselves.

So, when I turned 11, that's when I noticed that there was a shift in the family dynamic where there was a lot more excessive drinking at home. And so only at night between the hours of nine pm to one am, there was a lot of rage and violence that would happen in the home.  But I realized that it had nothing to do with me. I was the, I was the verbal, physical, emotional punching bag.  But I knew at the time after six months of it first happening, I knew that this was not about me. Something was going on right now or in their past. So what initially got me into my personal development journey was dealing with those things as that kid and teenager. I was also getting bullied at school, and so I was that skinny kid. I was insecure. I had bad posture. I had a stuttering issue. I didn't really know who I was. And so, at the age of 13 I made a decision. I said, from here on out, I'm no longer going to let people control me, whether it's family dealing with their toxicity, whether it's bullies at school.

So my initial step one into personal development was fitness. I knew that I had to change my physicality, my physique, and my mentality. And once I fell in love with seeing the positive changes in my body, I got inspired to go deeper into my faith. And so from there, because I was getting physical and mental progress, I started having a lot more faith. Because before then I was the kid wondering why do bad things happen to good people? Why is this happening? And nobody could genuinely answer my questions. So I went on that self-discovery journey. And so by the age of 15 I became a certified personal trainer, and I started training my teachers, my parents, friends, my neighbors my teammates on the sports teams that I was on. And I just fell in love with helping people get to that next level physically and with their health and overall nutrition. And so then segueing into college, I was also in the U.S. Army, and I was the U.S. Army master fitness trainer. So essentially, I would get soldiers mission ready. So I took things that I learned from my past experiences from education and also in sports, and I was able to help soldiers get mission-ready, essentially get them ready for deployment. But everything in retrospect was going back to that younger version. He had t learn his family patterns and dynamics and how to respond to it more efficiently, break the generational curses, and use what I was not giving to empower other people. Nowadays, what I do is I help people break old patterns so they could thrive, not just survive. Whether that's addictions, whether they crush it in sales, but they can't keep a relationship or marriage to save their life, whether they have a bad relationship with food, etc. So nowadays, I help people break those old patterns so they can feel like I have control of my life. And they're not just crushing it over here, and they tend to neglect the things that they don't really want to talk about.

Shane

Wow, that's an incredible story. You know what, there's so much in that. One of the things that I wanted to ask you about is early on is you said that you recognized, I can't remember if you said you were 11 or13, but you recognized that what was happening was not because of you. I think that's very fortunate because I think a lot of times that, particularly with kids, you know, you can think that what's happening is about you. I mean, how did you, how were you able to make that distinction?

Derick

I honestly got obsessed with learning people's comeback stories. I would read biographies and autobiographies. I would watch a lot of interviews and movies, and I could correlate their story to my story. And I would always see that, huh, she's good at this or he's good at that because of their upbringing. And so learning all these different stories and also working on my faith, I would tell myself this is part of my comeback story. This is part of my comeback story. And I would say that every day out loud and in my head. And because I just saw myself, I would play this analogy that I was like, I am the superhero in the dark dungeon getting my ass handed to me and everything was happening. But I'm going to come out of this and help empower other people. So I'll always have to have these analogies that help guide me through it. And also I would zoom out and say, you know what? I have both parents. We've traveled to multiple countries. We have a beautiful home in Florida. We have four bedrooms, four baths, and a screened-in pool. I always have food and an air conditioner. I was like, the violence does not overshadow everything else.

 So I was that kid that never complained. Because I had friends that grew up in foster care. They didn't have a home, and they didn't know who their parents were. So I never wanted to complain. And I would always be grateful for what I did have. And I said, you know what? I'm not going to bash someone's reputation. I'm going to keep it to myself, but actually do the inner work. So the number one thing that definitely helped was learning other people's stories, and I could relate to them. And I would just get excited and say, wow, no wonder he's good at that, he went through a lot of hell or some dark times. So knowing proof of people that I knew or people that I looked up to, just got me excited about life. So anytime things would happen, I would say, yes, this right here sucks. But, I know this is part of my comeback story. What can I do to flip this energy and harness that?

Shane

That is incredible. That is really something that you knew the power and was able to accept the influence and just went out and you said that you studied all these people, however you saw the people. But then you had to have, I mean, something inside you gave, you had to have that faith .I mean, you had to have faith that if you're constantly telling yourself that this is going to be my comeback story. I mean, that took faith to be able to visualize your future. I mean, can you touch on that a little?

Derick

Yes, for sure. I've always believed that everybody who has trauma or pain, we're all given a gift. We all have a gift in our trauma and pain. And I truly feel that my gift as a child was discernment. So being that quiet kid sitting in the corner, just seeing your parents screaming and just them attacking you and all that. And the very next morning, hey, where would you like to go have breakfast or lunch today? As if nothing happened for three hours last night. And it would happen so much that I got good at reading their patterns, their reactions, and why I reacted a certain way. And then I could just start reading my family and like their friends. And like I would drive them for I had a license or anything to the party. And I was their DD, and I would just sit there quiet and just people watch. And I was like, this is like a reality show. This is interesting. And so I went deep into psychology, just analyzing who was around me. And I learned so much. So in college, when I was studying psychology and learning patterns and everything. I had all these aha moments when I say, wow, I was doing that at 15. Shadow work, or I was analyzing my family at 17, and I didn't know what I was doing. But, I was just guided to do these things. And so definitely the gift in the pain. So I always challenge people to say, you know what? You did go through dark times. You do have trauma. Depression is real. All these things do exist. But, what is the silver lining? What is the light in the darkness? And discernment was definitely mine. Being able to read people's energy, meet them where they're at, and build them up. So that right there connected directly to my faith.

But when I was younger, I didn't have faith. I was the kid that was just like, why do bad things happen to good people? Why this? Why that? I would ask questions in church and people would just say, you know, but nobody would give me a definite answer. At first, it was frustrating. But then I got inspired to say, you know what? I think this is going to have to be a one on one relationship between God and I because I'm not generally getting a direct answer from people. They're just telling me to, look over here or they brush it off. Or I was that teen that would just annoy people because I asked too many questions. I was a kid and I was asked why. Why is this? Why is that? And after a while, people like Derek, why do you have so many questions? I'm like, I'm genuinely curious. And I would give them perspectives that I could see that they never thought of. And then I said. All right, they're not giving me answers so I have to go down my path. So definitely accepting that the gift was discernment. But how can I use this to empower others? Because I saw some people in my family, they also had gifts, but they use it in a narcissistic destructive path rather than positive empowering.

Shane

What did you realize when you were seeking that answer, and you didn't feel like people had given you a straight up answer? What did you come to realize was the straight up answer?

Derick

The straight up answer, which I usually found after a hard workout at night when my parents were asleep or they'd pass out drunk. I would work out to chase that calmness. So during that mental calmness, that's when I would just have no self-judgment, no emotions. I was just still. And then I had a deep connection with God at that time. And what it was that you were on the right path and what you didn't get from them, you will give others. So what I mean by that is our family ran like a business and ran like a military platoon. It was just like, all right, we got to get stuff done. F your feelings. We got to get stuff done. We got to lead by example. We got to gowake up early, workout. Everything did help in that regard, but we didn't say I love you. We didn't hug each other. I don't really have memories of getting kissed on the forehead or little things like that as a child. And so with the support and the love and affection, that wasn’t there.  And I realized that my faith in God was just saying that what you weren't receiving, you will eventually give. And I didn't know, I didn't understand how or why or why I was feeling that. But the older I got, I realized that people would just come up to me and just open up. At first, it was overwhelming. I was like, why is this lady just telling me everything? I was like, I'm sitting at this table in public or I'm just shopping, and it's like, hey, boom. And I was like, okay, the floodgates are opening. But then, I realized, it's like something is happening here. I think it's because I'm calm and they just are comfortable to tell me their things, and I don't know who they are. And then it clicked, and I said, wow, God, this is what you have me for. I don't know what I'm going to do with this yet, but I feel like there's something here.

Shane

Awesome. Derek, why is it, why do you think that we struggle so much mentally?

Derick Johnson

I think nowadays the biggest reason is people don't have control of their attention. They're distracted by the social media. They're distracted by the notifications going off on their phone. They're distracted by government trending topics, sports, just they're distracted by everything. So they have a lot of unfinished projects. They start one thing, the phone lights up. Oh, who's this? “Hey, Jimmy. Yeah, I got to do this.” They stop what they're doing. They stop the next thing. And so many people, they feel like they have endless, unfinished projects, backyard projects, internal projects, faith, their body, their finances, careers, and relationships. And they just feel like I need to get the edge off. I need to get the edge off. Which then leads to vices. So nowadays it’s definitely, people don't have control of their attention because everybody and everything wants your attention: politicians, celebrities, your family, kids, your dog, your neighbor. And the person's like, can I get 10 minutes to myself? Like, I'm doing everything for everyone. So definitely I've noticed is attention span because people's energy and attention and focus is everywhere except for getting one thing completed and then going on to the next.

Shane

Is that what you say? Because yeah, I mean, there is so many demands, and there's so much competition. And I mean it is fierce competition for our attention. I mean, how do we even handle that? Right? I mean, how do you manage that?

Derick

Great question. So the first thing that I walk people through is an elimination process. So they grab a sheet of paper and pen, and we ask ourselves the question, “What can I get rid of that would help me make more progress? What could I get rid of and eliminate that'll help me make more progress?”  So we start with that. So instead of adding to the routine, instead of changing everything, we first start with what we eat. Maybe he eats too many processed carbs. Maybe she eats too much sugar. Okay, what about with what they drink? Maybe he says, you know what? I want to start cutting back on the beer drinking or she says, you know what? I want to cut back on the caffeine, or whatever else they drink. So we start with what they eat and drink. They start to get some clarity. They write those out.

Then we go deeper. I just asked him what else? “You know, what intrusive thoughts, procrastination, self-doubt. I don't even know where that comes from.” And they'd really start opening up, and they start flowing.  And they're writing it out, and I just keep asking what else, what else. And after a while, they have a list of things that we can focus on.  But most importantly, they have clarity. They're not judging themselves. But they know where they're at and they say if I get rid of these things, or replace it with something healthier or better, I can start to have some level of control. And because of that in that moment they're in a flow state thinking that they're not worried about anything else, they're actually just thinking about themselves for a moment.

And so then we formulate a plan on how to get rid of those things and make progress in their life. But the whole intent is to remind them that the power that you're already looking for is within you. We just first have to get rid of some things and get some control from the outside and our environment. And then once we actually give focus and attention to our goals, family, whatever we're working on, skill sets, we're way more present because we're already clear on what we need to get rid of. So that person's like, you know what? He hasn't smoked a pack of cigarettes in five days.  For him, that's a lot. He's been smoking for 10 years, and so he feels excited. His confidence is up. His energy is up. He's a man I kicked. It's been five days. She's finally worked out five days for the first time in months or years. He stopped getting on a certain dating app, whatever that person's individual thing is. But they're excited because they're stacking small wins, building momentum.

So then in that moment, they feel that, “Hey, you know what? I can do deep work on this skill set or whatever I'm doing.”  Because usually, they've pissed themselves off in the morning because he grabbed coffee instead of water. Now his heartrate's up. He's still tired. And now he has anxiety because he's dehydrated, and then he can't focus at work and everybody needs him. And it just compounds. And he's just like, my God, I can't wait to get home and just drink. Like, I'm just overwhelmed. So step one process of elimination. What can we get rid of so we can make more progress? And then once we start with that, once we focus on whatever is the task at hand, we start getting more present because we're ready, feel more confident within ourselves. We're excited five days into the workout, five days into whatever they're doing. And then they realize that you know what? I'm in control, not society, not my past, not an ex, not whoever or whatever. So, that's the way that I like to approach it is process of elimination. Build them some power and confidence that they created, and then they they're more present in that particular thing that they're focused on.

Shane

Right on. So, so yeah, that it sounds like prioritization. I think that you know, when we look at the activities that we're doing, when we if we're going to take the time to do it, it's pretty easy to say, hey, these are clearly not helpful or not serving me. Right. But it seems like in addition to that, I mean, do you find that we, that there are good activities that we could be doing also, but they're not the best? That some of those good ones have to have to go. Do you find that?

Derick

Yes, definitely. So an example right now, I call it motivational porn. Motivational porn basically just means some guys, they'll go and watch five David Goggins videos or watch 30 minutes of Tony Robbins and they do it all day long. Memes and memes and quotes and all this and readings, Zig Ziglar, and all this information is amazing. But it's like a dopamine hit now. They feel high, but the guy hasn't even like worked out in two months. But every day he absorbs his motivational content, and he just feels good. I'm like, all right, you haven't made money, you haven't lost weight. Like what's going on? We can't just keep absorbing. So with that, that's one example that is very common now is some people, they stack their morning routine. So I got to do breathwork. I got to work out. Now I got to take an ice bath because if I don't, my buddy's going to be like, you didn't get in the ice bath today?  Or Joe Rogan's in their head or whoever. Like there's all this stuff that it's out there. It does work. It's all effective, but we don't need a 10 step process morning routine. So I've noticed nowadays is very common for people to feel like they have to stack their morning routine with all these steps to feel successful. The dopamine hit did hit, but what do they do with the rest of their day? The rest of their day is usually not productive, but they chase that morning high. So going back to your question. What they're doing are positive things, but there's no need to do five or more things in the morning. So I just challenge people to keep it simple with the morning routine. Just choose two, one for the body and one for the mind.

So if we move the body first, the mind opens. So whatever they do, mental prayer, visualization, journaling, meditation, it's going to be way more effective. And then it's like, hey, the rest of your day, focus on what's going to move the needle in your life or business forward. Instead of them doing all these modalities, thinking they got to buy all these kits and listening to all these people, which is like, wait a minute, don't overwhelm yourself. Go back to the basics and just keep it simple.

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Shane

That's great advice right on. Derek, I want to ask you, your website and your media is just full of people that have had transformations. A lot of change in bodies, and a lot of change in attitudes. Tell us more about this physical change and how that affects our mental. And just get us in more into what it is you do.

Derick

Yeah, for sure. So I focus on the mind-body connection. So I started off just being the performance and health guy. So helping soldiers helping civilians. But the older I got, I realized that some people tend to go backward, meaning back to old bad habits. And the reason why they didn't overcome something from their past. So I would see clients I worked with months or years ago and they would lose the results. I see them in person or on Facebook and I'm like, ah no, he picked up the bottle again, or he's back with his ex-wife, and the cycle continues. And I just see all these things, but I took it personal. And I said, “You know what? I need to take responsibility. I need to learn more about psychology, so I can get deeper into life coaching.” So then we can break that pattern where they less likely, or if ever, go backwards because they're not just chasing old patterns and feeling stuck. So I approach it with the mind-body, opposed to just one area. So that way people they have control and they're not just in shape but struggling over here. Or they're not only doing the inner work, but they're physically out of shape or unhealthy. So I focus on the mind and body so that person has total control from the inside out. And they have those aha moments That's why I grabbed that at night after a stressful day. That's why I have this gut reaction when family knows what to say to offend me or piss me off. So we go deeper into it. So essentially just breaking those patterns so they can truly start to feel like they're thriving and not just barely getting by or hey, on paper, I'm successful, but over here, they're neglecting everything else.

So we focus on everything to remind them that, “Hey, you can do everything. You can be the anomaly.” Because too many times it’s said that if you want success, you won't have a good relationship. Or if you want a good relationship, you can't have the money. And like, no, you can have it all. Like you can be that person in your family that's just like, “Hey, we're a walking billboard for what we do.” Nobody's perfect, but reminding people think bigger, dream bigger. Their goals, dreams, and aspirations used to be up here, but they started to dwindle because they listened to too many people's opinions that are usually fear-based. So I just want to remind people to say, hey, your goal used to be bigger business, personal career, whatever it is. Think bigger again. Like life is short. Let's make it amazing.

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Shane

Right on, right on, very good. Derek, it's been said, it might have been Stephen Covey that said, you know, that the best, the quickest way to boost our self-confidence and improve how we feel about ourselves is to make is to positively improve how we see ourselves, to change our physical body. And so, you know, I think probably at times we've all made improvements and seen that and have the motivation. But then, I guess what you're saying is if there's an underlying thing, that's what stops us from either maintaining or continuing to move forward in that way. Because I know that there's periods of time I was quite a lot overweight. And I mean, it was like kind of getting on a high when I started to... I lost so much weight at one point people thought I was dying. You know, they're coming up to me like, hey, partner, you know, you know. Is the chemo okay? I took it a little bit too far. But what I'm saying is, if it was so easy, we wouldn't be overweight and out of shape and everybody would just kind of be going for it. Is it the mind that blocks us? What's stopping us from maintaining or moving forward?

Derick

Exactly. Great question. So usually what it is, is they have an underlying pattern that they're not aware of yet. Because the older we get, we tend to push those things back, especially as men. I've seen firsthand in the military. Guys are in great physical condition, mentally strong discipline, but if you look at their personal life, it's completely different.  But they just keep pushing it. They're like, no, no, no, I'm an alpha male. I'm this, we don't talk about feelings here, but that stuff will start to fester and build whatever they're ignoring. And so it's very common for either people to push it under the rug or into the closet, or to mask set emotion with food, alcohol, more success, more money, more material things, more whatever it is to overshadow. Like, hey, I'm doing this, so I'm overpowering with my positivity. But knowing deep down, it's like, when they're laying in bed looking at the wall, they're thinking about that thing that they truly want to work on or overcome. So more so facing yourself, giving yourself more grace and really treating yourself like a best friend and saying, you know what I am deficient in this, or this does have control over me. It's OK to ask for help, whether that's with the professional, whether that's just family, whether it's at church. But just being honest with ourselves and saying, you know what, let me stop overshadowing this. Let me sit in the emotion

So I challenge some people sometimes to say, hey, when was the last time that you just had a good cry? For like one minute. Nothing sad is happening, but you just have to release. You're just like, I worked out. I closed the business deal. I did this, but I still feel just on edge. What is going on? I'm like, hey, instead of picking up the bottle tonight or binge-eating or watching three episodes of whatever show, just sit for a moment. Maybe you have to yell for a moment. Maybe you got to go in your car, grab the steering wheel, and just go and just release, or just cry for a minute. And I asked people that and they're like, huh, it's been a long time. And I'm just like, I'm not telling you to schedule it. But whenever you feel it, just allow yourself to release for a moment, and you might feel refreshed. You might have some clarity. There's nothing wrong with that. Because sometimes people will mask emotions. Sometimes they'll mask something else. Or, they'll try to over override things with more positive. They give, give, give to everybody else. We say, hey, we see what you're doing. You're a great leader, but you're going to burn out if you keep going at this. You got to have some you time. Like it's okay to put yourself first.

So definitely is that challenges the individual to be honest with themselves. Cause most people, they know exactly that thing they truly want to get rid of or work on. And so a lot of the times they carry those things into relationships. So an example, if somebody was obese as a kid, it was overweight and they got bullied. If they do public speaking in their career in their head, they probably still feel like that 12 year old fat kid in front of the class getting laughed at. And they keep stuttering doing the presentation, even though they're amazing at what they do. Their KPIs in business are great. But for that split second, they're like, oh, they're going to laugh at me. And they feel like that 12 year old who's made fun of in class. And so that can hold a lot of people back from the next level of success because they have a fear of more responsibility, which is actually the fear of getting laughed at because I don't deserve this. Or sometimes it could come from bullying. Sometimes it's from a negative parent, an ex, whoever, whatever .But if they can just be honest with themselves and say, you know what? That's where it started. I hold anger towards this kind of person, or towards that family member, or towards public speaking because there's something in the past that happened and I just didn't like that feeling.

So I just challenge people to face it. Sit in it, really walk yourself through the scenario, whatever it was, and just say, all right, that is the moment where things shifted. And we're not being angry about it. We're not being sad about it. Just it is. It's easier said than done. But sitting and being neutral with it and most importantly, looking at the big picture to say, will I allow said person to dictate my future? My relationships, co-working spaces, success, whatever that is, because too many times people carry that stuff with them and it truly can hold them back.

Shane

Right on, right here with you. I love what you said. I love your message. And I love what you said, ”Give ourselves some grace.” That's a big powerful part of it right there. I think in hearing your story that that kid, where everything wasn't perfect, what you saw seems to be what you became. And you can feel the message and the power and the help that you give to people. Derek, what would you like to leave us with today on The Horsemanship Journey?

Derick

I appreciate it. Great question. I would say to ask yourself, what do I have to do to become the man or woman that I always needed? What do I have to do to become the man or woman that I always needed? Maybe your father wasn't in your life. Maybe your mother wasn't. Maybe they were. But you want to be better than them to provide for your family. But what do you need to do to become the man or the woman that you always needed? And once you figure that out, how can you give that version of yourself to the world? Whether that's society, family, communities. But, I truly believe we're all here to pinpoint what that thing is. Yes, this happened. How can I flip it? Because when people see you’re walking proof of what you've been what you can become after pain, then you can teach others. But everything will come full circle. Your inner child is excited. He's proud of you. She's proud of you. And you're just like, wow. It all made sense. And I truly believe this. The reason we're all here, we go through things and we can help empower and build up others. So, what do you have to do to become the man or woman that you always needed?

Shane
Right on. Thank you so much for that. We appreciate you. Derek, where can people find out about you, more about you, and what you offer?

Derick

People can find me on social media @fitwithDerek2, that's the number two, or they could just search Derick Johnson. Same profile picture and everything. And my intent with social media is just to plant seeds. If an individual hits the snooze button too many times every morning, and they cause their own stress and anxiety, they might see a video that talks about that. And they're like, yeah, he's talking to me. I need to stop hitting the snooze button every day. So that's my whole, that's my whole intent is to plant seeds to show people to, hey, stop wasting potential. Life is short. Let's make it amazing. Stop being stuck in the past. Let's, let's get excited again.

Shane

Right on, let's make it amazing. Derek, thank you so muchagain for being with us. Ladies and gentlemen, Derek Johnson.

Derick

Thank you for having me, Shane.

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