Full Transcript:
What the Horse Training Cycle Teaches Us About Parenting
Welcome to This Week's Episode
Welcome to this week's You Are Destined For Greatness. I appreciate you taking your time to be here with me today.
The Cycle of Excitement and Frustration in Horse Training
You know, I've been in the horse business for a long time, and I've observed in myself and lots of other people a cycle. When we first get into horses or first get a horse, what happens in this cycle is our excitement is very high. We have a lot of excitement. We're living our dream, and we have a lot of expectation.
It's gonna be great. We're gonna be like the movies, just loping off into the sunset, maybe with somebody we love. It's gonna be amazing. But what happens pretty quick is the excitement fades because we find out the horses have a mind of their own, and they don't do what we want them to do.
Frustration Builds as Expectations Change
As this excitement goes down, the frustration comes up. Not only is the horse not doing what we want him to do, but a lot of times, he's developing new things that we don't want him to do—new habits of bad behavior. It goes on, and we're puzzled and frustrated. Sometimes we can even get angry.
We're trying to solve the problem, so we do all kinds of stuff. We're like, "How can we fix him? What's the matter with him?" We try health supplements, we try changing his saddle and changing the bit, and we try all the things to figure out, "Why won't he do what we want him to do? What the hell's the matter with this horse?"
Trying to Control the Circumstances
And the frustration keeps going up. Sometimes we try to control the circumstances. If he won't get in a trailer, we get a bigger trailer, a taller trailer, one with a ramp if it didn't have a ramp. If it had a ramp, we get one without a ramp. We start to only ride when there's no wind, the sun's shining, and only on days when the garbage truck doesn't go by.
We try to do all these things to work around what the hell is the matter with this horse, and you know what? It's not working out, and it's getting worse. So then we send him out to the trainer.
The Trainer’s Influence and the Reality Check
We watch the trainer, and he gets along with him great. Then he shows us how good of a horse this is, and we think he's fixed. We bring him home, and he does the same stuff. Now we're really upset.
And here's what's happening in part of the cycle. Eventually, what happens is we either quit riding and keep an expensive pet or sell him. Or something happens where we begin to take responsibility for the results we're getting.
The Key to Breaking the Cycle
Now, this shift is the key here. Once you turn the corner, it doesn't matter how far along you're going—it just matters that you've turned the corner. Now you're going to start making progress, and life can be amazing.
Because here's the deal—the best horsemen in the world, the ones who do amazing things and have amazing partnerships with willing participants, and you're wondering, "How can they do that amazing stuff?" That's how they do it.
That's how they do it. They focus here for solutions instead of blaming the horse.
The Horse Mirrors the Rider
Because you know what was the problem the whole time? Why the excitement went down and the frustration went up? The horse was mirroring what we were doing, okay?
That's why the trainer could ride him so well. And you know, that's a pretty hard pill to swallow. I like to say a horse pill—it's so hard to swallow.
The Parallel Between Horse Training and Parenting
The parallel between horses and parenting is with our kids. I mean, this is pretty tough. It's not easy to look at our kids and realize they're mirroring us.
So rather than asking, "Why are they doing this? What's wrong with you guys? What's wrong with this generation? Didn't I tell you? You're acting like this and that," and rather than coming at them with frustration and anger—okay—and having them further mirror us and further go down this negative cycle…
Turning the Corner
The moment that we can turn the corner and start—here’s the key takeaway—the minute you turn the corner and say, "Hey, these kids… how am I influencing what’s going on here? How am I showing up in this thing, and how do I want to before I go do it?"
And then the next step is: how can I honor their perspective? How can I be respectful and treat them like a decent human being in this thing?
Listening Without Judgment
Listen to what they have to say, right? Without making judgment. Handle this thing in a way that you're going to be proud of when it's over.
It's not a perfect world. It's not going to go perfect every time. But even if you don't get the result you want, if you showed up how you wanted to, you're proud of yourself.
The Path to Progress
You've turned the corner, and you're making progress in the relationship.
Hey, you're doing great things as a parent. I'm here to help you. Stable Living is here to help you. Continue that progress.
Final Thoughts
Remember, You Are Destined For Greatness.
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