Judging vs. Condemning vs. Justifying: Here’s how to tell the difference and how to make the world better for yourself and others.
Understanding the Meaning of “Don’t Judge”
Welcome to this week's You Are Destined For Greatness, coming to you from our boarding facility here.
So you know this, I had a lot of difficulty and confusion understanding this idea of, “don't judge.” Right, you always hear, “Don't judge, don't judge. Hey, don't be judging. Don't judge me.” You know, I mean what does that mean? What do you mean don't judge? I mean how do I know what's right and wrong? And I don't really get it, what do you, what you're talking about? What am I supposed to judge and not judge, and how does all that work?
Turns out I'm not the only one, it's kind of a confusing concept. Today I'm going to clear it up for you, and it's going to be an important thing to know and utilize.
Viral Video of Veterinarian Sparks Outrage
So, to clear it up, I'm going to give you an example of something that happened here in Las Vegas, Nevada with one of our local veterinarians. So, a week or two, about 10 days ago, a video came out of this particular veterinarian kicking a horse in the head.
Okay, so immediately somebody put that on media and within hours it was viral. It'd been around the country, around the world.
Three Common Responses to Judgment
What I've observed are three different types of responses to seeing this action, seeing this veterinarian kick this horse.
1. The Condemners
Number one is the condemners. Okay, there's a lot of that man. Okay, there's people, “Hey, you shouldn't be breathing air. You should die. You don't deserve to live.” You know, and it goes on some of them are very brutal. Some of them are harsh to say the least.
Okay, so there's all the condemners like, “Hey, bad man.” So there's the condemners that I would say that's the largest group.
2. The Justifiers
Second is the, what? A group of people that say, "Hey, don't you be condemning now? You don't know the whole story. You don't know all the circumstances. You don't know the back story. And until you do, you know, you don't have any right to be condemning."
And so they're basically saying… But what does that mean? What do you mean? Does that mean that if I knew the back story that I would say it's okay to kick the horse in the head? I don't know, I mean, why are you even saying that?
I call these the justifiers, okay? They're trying to lighten it up a little bit.
And there's a reason that we do these things. There's a reason that we condemn, most of the time we condemn other people. And we've all done it, okay? And this is not me saying I've never condemned anyone. I've done it plenty, too much, okay?
The reason that a lot of… Sometimes there's a few reasons that we do it, but the biggest reasons is that first of all we want to jump on the media bandwagon. We want to feel like we're a part of everybody else. We want to be accepted, right? “We don't do that. We're a part of the good people. ”And when we're knocking you down, it helps us to elevate and feel a little bit better about ourselves.
That's the condemners, okay, in a short version.
The justifiers, and I call them that. It's well-intentioned, right? They're trying to soften the blow a little bit because we don't want to be associated with somebody who did such a pretty ugly. You know, watching him like he was ready to kick a field goat except he was a horse's head, right?
So we don't want to be associated with that. So we say, “Hey, you know, it might not be as bad as you think it is if you would have known the whole story.” But really what we're doing is we are afraid a lot of times to be associated with somebody, or we can't make sense of how somebody that we like would do something that we don't like, that we don't agree with.
Do you notice that all the response to this is coming from what I think about me here and here? Okay? Didn't really have anything todo with him.
The thing about both groups of these people, none of them have a good result. They don't help the condemner, and I get a short term increase I feel a little bit better about me. I feel accepted. I feel a little bit better about me, but in the long term subconsciously I know that what I'm doing is not good. And so I never have a good long-term impact. There is nothing to gain from this.
3. Judging Actions, Not Souls
There was a small group of people in group three. That's the, that's what I want to talk to you about. Okay? And this is how I'm going to clear up the subject, because our challenge in this lifetime is to separate actions from human beings. To separate deeds what somebody does from who they are as a soul, okay?
Because here's my point, hey, what if you knew the backstory and you felt like there was no justification whatsoever to kick that horse in the head? What if you knew all the back story and said that is the wrong thing? Okay, the difference is saying that action, I believe, is wrong. I judge that action is wrong. We need to make judgments, right and wrong.
Judging Actions Without Condemning the Person
By the way, when we judge the action, not the person, does not mean that we absolve the person of responsibility. It doesn't mean that we accept the responsibility or we condone it or any of that. It simply means that we can, okay?
If we condemn the action, then we can do something useful. We can enact laws. We can enforce laws. We can see about as vet license. We can see about all different things. We can do a responsible response to an action that we deem seemingly wrong, right, without condemning the soul.
Everyone Has Done Wrong Things – Including You and Me
Because here's the thing, okay? How many of you listening to me, and how many including me, how many of you, have never reacted on an emotion or without an emotion and done anything that you wish you wouldn't have? That was wrong, that was bad, that you have guilt and shame for?
The answer is nobody.
So is it going to help the rest of us to be condemning and justifying your stuff? It's not going to help you and it's not going to help the world.
The Real Meaning of Judgment and the Path to Healing
Here's the short answer of it, okay? To understand judgments, we need to make judgments all day long about things, about actions that are right and wrong. But not about human beings, because those human beings has the same value as you and me regardless.
Did you hear me? Regardless of what they have done, and regardless of what you have done, and regardless of what I have done. We all have perfect, 100% value.
It Starts With How You See Yourself
And the key to being able to do this, it begins right here. When I can forgive myself and love me, I open up the capacity to be able to love somebody else, to help them through their shame. Because when they're wrapped up being condemned and justified, there's nothing making the world better.
How to Actually Make the World Better
The way to work that, make the world better is right here. And it begins right here.
Thank you for being with me. You Are Destined For Greatness.
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