See why teens think they’ve got life figured out and how parents can help.
The Meaning of "Finished" in the Horse World
So, with horses in the horse world, we have some terms that we use, and one of them is called "finished," okay? "Finished," a lot of times we also use "made." So here's—I'll use them in context. I have a made heel horse, or I have a finished heel horse. What those things kind of imply is that I have a horse that's fully trained to do a certain job in team roping, todo one end or the other.
So, you know, specifically with sellers, we'll say, "I have a finished horse," or "I have a made this or a made that." And so it's interesting to listen to the language we use and what it means. A lot of times with horses—I mean, are you really finished? Because I think you're probably only finished if you're dead.
So, you know, if we use that kind of language—which I don't really agree with, though I've used it—but I don't really fully agree with using that kind of language because we're kind of shutting down. We're implying that there's no further action that ever needs to happen, ever, right? Which sounds pretty good if you're buying a horse that you don't have to ever do anything with—he's already, you know, fixed and finished and over, and all you have to do is sit back and life's easy. But life doesn't really work that way.
Teenagers and the "Finished" Mindset
You know, with our teenagers, a lot of times—and I'll speak, I know I did, and most teens—they get to a place where they deem themselves finished or made, right? They kind of know it all, they don't need you anymore, they want their independence, and they want to govern themselves so bad. And they just get to a place where—when I was in my late teens, or maybe even 20, I don't know—I kind of thought I pretty much had a pretty good grasp on everything there was to know.
And what I did by having that thought was I shut off my learning, okay? And then it's not like we even stay in the same place—we actually regress. Sometimes we do that with our horses too. When we think they're made, we don't stay on top of them, and they regress.
So, the point is, knowing that as parents, our kids are going to want their independence. They're going to think that they have it all. And we're looking at them going, "You don't know nothing. When you get to be as old as I am and have my experience, you'll know. But right now, you ain't got nothing." But they believe that, from where they're coming from.
So how can we best support them in this stage so they don't regress? That's the question.
Three Keys to Helping Your Teen Grow
So here are three keys that you can take away if you want to make a difference with your kids or be prepared for it. And it doesn't matter where you're at in the process—you can start today.
1. Lead by Example –
Ask yourself, what are you doing right now? Are you setting the example? Do you have a full growth mindset? Do you set goals and go for them all day, achieving them? Can you see the limitless possibilities in this world and express that? Do you have family goals, and are you setting the example and leading the way? That's number one.
2. Teach Goal Setting –
Are you helping your kids and teaching them about goals? Do they have goals? Can they see them? Are they moving towards them? Have they failed at goals, and have you taught them how to set and achieve new ones?
3. Find Mentors –
Peers are powerful. The groups of people we surround ourselves with and the relationships we have with our peers are powerful. So if your child has a good mentor or coach that they look up to, that’s how you can help them stay out of the "I know everything" stage a little bit longer. It helps them avoid regressing for a long period of time, opens up their world of possibilities, and helps them move into their potential.
Thanks for being with me today, and remember—You Are Destined For Greatness.
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